im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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