Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
