Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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