I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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