Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sober January is a disaster.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
