Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
