omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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