Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
