He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
