when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
