I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
