Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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