I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
