i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
