WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
