well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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