Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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