you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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