her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
