I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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