There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
