Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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