If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
