literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
