DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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