So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
