Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
