you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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