If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize