and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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