Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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