I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
