Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
