I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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