hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
