Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
