i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize