guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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