The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
