I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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