I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
