Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
