Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
