Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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