Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
