Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
