never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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