Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
