You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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