literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Randomize
