Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
