we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
