like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize