I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
