Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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