I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
