Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
