He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
