I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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