it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
