Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
