What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
