ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
