You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
