guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
