Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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