Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
