I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
