My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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