Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
