Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
