I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
