last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
