Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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