Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
