i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
