I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
