my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
