Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
