It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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