Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my sisters under your porch take her home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize