literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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