i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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