Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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