taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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