News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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