Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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