Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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