So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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