She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
did you just send me my own nude
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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