so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
