So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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