I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The adults are the big ones right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
