She is in my trunk
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
