just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
