What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do vagina's smell?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
