Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
